No doubt

As all parents know, and as I’m sure I have said a billion times, being a parent is hard work. It is the toughest job I have ever done, or will ever do. Recently one of the tough parts is trying not to doubt yourself. Doubt can be dangerous, but powerful. For me, trying to not listen to everyone else and listen to myself is hard. I always think someone else knows better.

Yes, someone else may know better how to fix a healthier meal, hem pants, create a fabulous science project, or an infinite number of other things. However, no one else knows better how to be my kids mom than I do. I have to rely on the fact that I see them every day. I see their very best moments, and their not so great moments.

Lately I have had some good mom moments. My 7 year old has finally been opening up. He always has trouble talking to people, he would probably be fine not ever talking to anyone, but lately he has been interesting in making friends. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me, a real hug! Of course no one else was around and it was only for about 4 seconds, but it happened. He has also started taking care of his little brother, instead of just being mean to him. He plays with him, helps him get dressed and shower, and teaches him how to play. Now it’s not perfect, they fight, hurt each other, and say mean things all the time, but there is more good than bad at this point.

The 10 year old starting to listen and is trying to be more responsible. She is being considerate and realizes that she has to focus in order to succeed, and her room has been clean for 2 weeks now, but who’s counting?

The 3 year old, well I have been doubting my decision not to put him in speech for some time now. I kept telling myself that he was not like his brother and just needs time and practice to talk the right way. It is working. His teacher at school said that he is getting better. She can understand him more and other kids are able to understand what he is saying.

I have realized that there is no place for doubt in parenting. Yes, we will all make mistakes, but just learn from those and celebrate the victories, even the smallest ones because they can mean the most.  I’m going to remember the day my son wrote in his calendar, “Love you mom and dad”. I will remember it when he teases his brother on purpose, or refuses to read. I will remember that the 3 year old told me I was the best mom, and I will remember when my daughter said “thank you” when I brought her the lunch she left on the table.