I wish I have had more time to write on my blog, but today I made the time. I think for me being able to write things down helps. Today would have been my Dad’s 68th Birthday. I can’t really even believe it has been 13 years since he passed away. I think about him all the time, but on days like today it is really hard to not let the sadness take over. I drive by one of his old jobs every day I go to work. Most days I just pass and smile thinking I am glad I am surrounded by memories.
Like when we used to come to work with him on Saturdays when we were kids and push the carts around the warehouse or my brother and I would chase each other down the isles. Other times I would think about the Arby’s that used to be there and how he would let us go there for a treat if we had been good while at work with him.
Today was hard though. Today when I passed by I was overcome with loss. I could not help but feel what I was missing. I am missing his advice on buying a new house. I am missing him getting to play with his grand kids. I am missing him listening to me about my worries over my choices and if I’m doing the right things. I’m missing his advice on how to help my 6 year old that never wants to be still, just like my Dad never liked to be. I’m also even missing us getting together and having pizza. Everyone is busy and I’m sure thinking about him in their own way, but to me its not the same.
I try to not let myself dwell on the negative. I try to think about how I am grateful for all he taught me and shown me. I try to think about my belief that I will one day see him again and be able to talk to him. But today, today I really just want to be mad. I want to cry, I want to feel anger. Then I see my kids. Each one has a piece of him. Lauren has his love for milk and chocolate. Aaron has his work ethic and need to constantly be doing something-as well as a love for sports. Dylan-he has his mannerisms. He puts his hands behind his head like my dad did. He has his compassion. He greets everyone with a smile and a friendly greeting no matter who they are. I don’t have my dad, but I have reminders-daily constant wonderful reminders of the awesome person he was.
Thanks Kelli for reminding me that your Dad was the biggest blessing in my life. I thank God every day for letting me borrow him on earth. I’m grateful that he was my helpmate and together we co created two beautiful, wonderful children. It’s okay to be a little sad, but he would have given you a big hug to comfort you. now you’ll have to settle for me. I love you to pieces, just like your Dad for all time and eternity.